Enrique Cuevas

When you come for me

Now or later

I won’t be afraid of you

I have moments where I forget about your sway

Marching toward me

Even when I run your pursuit never ends

Coming for me

Coming for me

You want me imperfections and all

You want me you have perfected my fall

You want me for my days without god

You want me even though I carry a soul so dark

You already asked for me

When the realization is reached I’ll understand

At the moment…I run

If I could stop

Face eternity once and for all

You are waiting for me

I Know that one day I’ll be with you

Since you called for me

I know to you I have always mattered

I searched for love instead I found pace

Away from good in a awful place

I hope I do better since I often stray

From the limelight

Away from the days that were all a grave

Clinging to my soul until it all decayed

Born from the flick of a lawless flame

Hope I am good enough to turn the blame

Came for a moment all depraved

I lost it all

I lost it all

Feel so unhappy

To the dirt we go with all we sought

Can you hear me?

Can you see me?

And all I have lost

All I promise are broken words

Can’t help but imagine how all this hurts

I know that I’ll never matter

I know that I’ll never matter

FEEL LIKE A GIF.

STUCK ON REPEAT

TRY TO MOVE, BUT I CAN’T

LOOK WHAT THIS WORLD HAS DONE TO ME!

NAH…ALL THIS IVE DONE TO MYSELF

THIS BED I’VE MADE ME

THIS LIFE I’VE SEWN

TO QUILT MY OWN…DESPISE MY SOUL

STILL ON THE FLOOR AT MOMS

STILL IN SEARCH FOR A PLACE THATS CALM

PREPPED LOGISTICS

LOUNGING AT THE END SOLVE ALL MY BUSINESS

AT THE SENTENCE REQUIRED

TO PLAY THIS GAME IN THE FIRE

AT OLD…ME RETIRED

CONTEMPLATING DEATH AS GOLIATH

OVER WIRE

TIPTOEING THE FIRE

GOING AFTER DESIRES

GUESS RELIGION DO SELL

I’LL EXPERIENCE A HELL

I FEEL LIKE A GIF

GETTING REPETITIVE

THIS THE ADDICTION I AM REQUIRED TO TELL

FIND ME AT THE END OF MY RAGE

THAT ROPE I HOPE IT HOLDS WELL

WITH MY SOUL STARTING TO SWELL

I FEEL LIKE A GIF.

STUCK ON REPEAT

Timid soul

Fret and struggle

Let the yellow flowers hang

You are the moleskin

Buried in the lounge

scared of the open mouth

What do you have to say about this?

You talked for long and blurred bliss

Scorched flame with your turnt lisp

You set it all away truth and decision

Black Bandana

I can see it now

Set upon your head what are you covering up

Black Bandana for our ears perk up

We listened to all you had to say

It feels like I am welcome

It feels like I speak the language

It feels like I am welcome

It cut me open

It let me come inside

It feels like I speak the language

I found a home and there is no one I really know

It cut me open

it left me inside out

it made me different

It let me finish

I’ve now seen the other side

I will never be the same

I will never be the same

It made me different

It cut me open

It came inside

It took me over

I felt the cut

They never let it dry

Everyday gets worse then I start to cry

My wound it leaks the farther I drive

It came inside

It took me over

It made me fall in love

It cut me open

It made me different

Now that I am away I want to die

Everyday I grow worse

I wake up and cry

At the edge of my bed

I have seen the other side

It let me in

It let me come inside

On this eve of a new one

Still plagued by many others

The ones that came before

No relief or salvation

No relief or replacement

Just I️ stuck as a soul sucker

Sucking out the remaining joy

Rather spend time all alone

Listening to my Wonder

Wondering if there is an exit from this hole

Whole of my life I’ve been rolling

To where do i roll?

Where is it that I’ll ultimately go

If everything leaves me unsatisfied

I deserve the pain I feel

For whatever reason I decidEd on it

My mind just an apparatus

Yesterday I failed to sleep right

I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO MY APPARATUS

Broken apparatus

It no longer does the things I want it to

I hit the ground and all my world shook

The first time I was afraid

Away from expectation

When I could do no wrong

In the eyes of my loved ones I’ve always felt so strong

Yet at the moment

Can you see me dad?

Your child, remember him?

He could do no wrong

Can you see me dad?

I’m no longer cray

Everyone I love has left me

Here I am all alone

Just a picture

Just an image

I’d wished I’d fall over and hemorrhage

I don’t like this life

There is nothing for me here

Dad they mentioned i’d be alright

Nah, I don’t think so

I fail to understand these people

They may break me, dad

Their hands around my throat

They may hurt me

Forgiveness left and hate has washed me over

Standing over all the love you gave me

I don’t remember enough about yesterday

I dislike thinking about tomorrow

As I get up and make the same mistakes

They watched me

I controlled the scene

Their eyes followed as I moved

I hope they get used to it

Finding peace in all I did

My eyes on a target I understood

The target I’ll reach

Then I can drop dead

Make a work so grand

Then I can drop dead

Make them see me for my dead eyes

Make them appreciate my life

Then I can drop dead

I controlled them

They were in awe

I peaked

I exude charisma

I breathe fear

I understand pain

I went through great lengths to get more

Now I can drop dead

Now that the curtains have come down

Love has been given

I am back out of the light

This life I can not control

This I can not wrap my hands around

I might be exhausted

Wet with accomplish

Let me sit here and dry

I might just drop -

Calling on the rough of our souls

On this day it will do you best

As we sit here and recount our meaning

We rehearse for all these moments, but they leave me for worse

For words they come and go, but never us

With timid days that stir beside us

We stir our coffees

Take sip after sip until we forget why we came

Search and search for all the meaning

I’ve been meaning to figure this out

I’ve looked in all the wrong places for it

Wait here for me

Like a truth lit by love

happy days they exist no more

You took them all with you

Lately I’m living my disaster

Inside me the turmoil

Uncontrollable devastation

Rocking me this way and that way

Breaking me out like a pair of steps never worn

Getting torn from seam to seam

This is me jumping from dream to dream

Good god why don’t you help me find it

With all your love I’ve grappled

Can you lead me to the wonderful place?

Place I’ve hunted for

For so long running after

I think I loved it

Now I don’t know why I do this

Find myself futile in a world of useless

May I find understanding

See to it we siamese

The dream an allegiance for as far as the eye see

Pursed lips at pursuing a climate that hides me

Burdened by forever

Forgiveness would wet me like no weather

Fought for the feeling of feathers

Pillowed desires behind the hidden lever

I’ll never heart for the better

Sky is all black let your love see the never

From the depths you’re never back

See to it that you healed hubris

Stare into the eye of a behemoth

prepare for religion this evening

Even before you regained the dreams

Let it settle in

Rebel against the cruel days and borrowed water

Drown in that murky and shallow batter

Wither for you’ve spent more then one day crying

Ask yourself if at the end your worth your weight in dying

Blackened waves wash over your carcass

Float away or let your aura darken

Bless your days for they will one day be forgotten

As you drop off

Don’t be afraid to drop off

This is all that you’ve gotten

A lyricist will rule the world one day

When were there

Smiles

Open hearts

Jokes

One liners about each other

Grins and pleasure

Food and leisure

I look over at both of you

Hand on hand

Shoulder up against shoulder

Smiles all around

Sociable and honest

Encouraging and engaging

Kind and gentle with the kids

You offer the wisdom you know

I take it lock it

Keep it inside

I might need it

Were alike you say

You feel responsible for my being here

Than I leave

———————-

Where you change

Heard through the grapevine

A monster I have never known

Heard the happenings

The rage

Fueled by the drink

No end to it’s destruction

We all stand back as it arrives…

BLAME!

You did this to me!

Spoiled my fast track

I was a star in the making

Now my only makings for this monster

I leave it locked so long

During the day I feed it feigned happiness

Hoping it has had enough to eat

So it won’t come out and eat you alive

Or am I too afraid to look in the mirror

See the fraud that I’ve become

Hitting the womb for pleasure

Hoping I am still a man at the end of my life

This year has been a long one

All things rotating toward the abyss

Where all the gold lies

It has been a bit disheartening to be in my shoes

It has taken me a while to walk here

I think I am in denial about how I got here

Another one goes in the can

I feel okay for the first time in a long time

We built this

We fleshed out desires

Do you feel happy about our direction?

At the end sense will be made

With the apocalypse at the head of our souls

Just waiting to be eaten for my burdens

Will you forgive me for my certainty?

Touching down on me

I can feel it outside

At that table all of their lies

They speak to each other

I wish I knew

I am unaware

So far from everything

At your desk with the little light in your eyes

We wonder why?

If you were going through it

You should have let us know

About the devil on your shoulder

You listened to him

At that time you were my hero

Until you gave me the pipe

Told me to hold the pipe up

I Held the pipe up

Put the pipe to my lips

Contemplating bout to take a puff now

I was only 10

What would that have done to my mind

Sitting in your heroes truck

He lined you up to fuck up

Where is it that I go from here?

I have never felt worse

I don’t think I have recovered from that betrayal

For all them times you heard devils

You always failed to run from them

We hear the stories, you failed to listen

We hear the word, you have broken bliss

We hear your mom, her world it splits

We saw our family, you were stretching us thin

I hope you come back at the end

To move so careless through the unfounded

You tried to control things not grounded

All of your pain came from days so drowned

Your eyes just flames of a fire we can’t put out

Beautiful boy you were a crown

Beautiful boy with fury you melted

Knelt by your wonder

Your truth we hope you accept it

After all this time

You smile

You now have a Beautiful boy of your own

Beautiful boy today we are happy to have you

bathed by a light i couldn’t understand

i don’t want to sit here by myself today

something else, something else

maybe one day their will be happiness beside me

maybe not

it’s the sweet i cherish

parish from my need to understand

tie my lies onto my back

it could paint me a better person

where am i going if it’s not here?

i sit on the ground to scold my soul

why do you cry?

just let the energy flow

right through you until it makes it to the other side

wet with boredom

i couldn’t tell my world to sit and dry

on afternoons like this i don’t know who i am

i end up buried inside myself

i get up only to collapse

i try until my beautiful world is colored black

if i could turn these feelings around

if i could find the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

take me to judgement

after all the noise i made for you

with a soul so soft and broken

no place for your beloved gold

it took rage to build me anew

i heard of love, THEY said it was beautiful

i have seen this love, but for me it never came true

on an afternoon like this it all looked so blue

bathed by a light i didn’t want to understand

as it grew dark around me i lost the only warmth i’ll ever have

from nothing it’s how these days seem

we were yearning, aching for a new thing

can we build ourselves something new?

have you seen us

we come with nothing true

batteries not included

instructions all damp, booklet in ruins

tell me what we are doing?

living without the rubrics

nothing no blueprint

lack a scaffold or roofing

lack in love and good things

won’t you help me?

under construction nothing works

in the hurt we always lurk

do away with all our worth

humans in ruins so often cursed

will you build on this fury?

now that i’m here what can you do for ME?

From the ruin

Where you tried to drag me

I think you loved me

Some day I think you didn’t

I might be wrong for writing that

Shit…I thought I was the one that took advantage

Behind my back

You tied an anchor to my leg

Then you left

Leave me here to hate you in silence

Did you love me?

I don’t know now

Maybe that is why I am unavailable

I can’t trust people

I can’t love people

I can appreciate them when the time comes

From the ruin

Where you dropped me down

Where are you so I can yell at you

Do I have to go back to the promised land?

Look up at all that blue

But your unavailable

And I’m unavailable to hate

A man manic with cold mansions

First to do dreams backwards

Futile gloom within bold saloons

I speak futile truths to birds that swoon

With gloomy days behind

Paired with fists to cross your eyes

I’m mold of man in a trusting time

I blurred my worlds and collided lies

—————-

Kaleidoscope to eye your vibe

I’m here alone all the time

I wish you well you wished I’d die

First to love

First to try

But I’m away with pain

————————-

We lack a Siamese Dream

I’m smashing pumpkins to find relief

Through grinding teeth

Lips too crusted to try and speak

I bent your love at all the seams

It seems we’ve lost our way to breathe

We lost the spares and ate the keys

Were home alone and at Home there ain’t no peace

Were at our necks with eachs leash

We hope to god but god hopes to leave

————————-

Catch flack from a solemn pen

I’m forgiven only for being a tyrant man

Tried and tired I get to vent

Watch the world fleece me dry

I’m alone, but I hold my soul

Near and dear to all I’ve sewn

But yet it’s solace

To be so cool in hell
————————-

Tune your life

With days broken in like a new pair of nikes

Do you swear it all on your life?

Strung out and forgotten

All I’ve gotten has slowly rotten

Take from me everything you love

Flying lowly a pair of blackened doves

To hold your neck in golden gloves

I’d fight for you, but you never will fight for me

————————-

On these days of ache

To wash away everything we made

I’d said I’d do it

At the end of 25

Money the cure to me breathing lies

How far we’ve come within this whirlwind life

Granted allegiance

Live a life so facetious

I burned amends in search of vicious leeching

Too star struck to burn at crosses reason

A life of beauty has gone to treason

I shake and shake this is my coldest season

————————-

What would you do for a man like me?

Burn and pillage to some degree?

I’m long gone don’t you see

Ain’t nothing you can do to free a beast like me

Let me linger here a little longer

Away from humans

Away from pain

Away from love and all that aches

Behind this glass I feel okay

I feel

When the day comes

I lie lifeless

Under the mountain I’ve created

Let it all run wild

When the day comes

We are set free from one another

Let me hold you for sometime

I made it all this way

Just so you could watch me die

When the day comes

I’m not longer able to run around

And truth is the lies I’ve made up

I lie lifeless

Apart from the chaos I’ve created

Every moment pains me

Can you make me happy?

The space between us alienates

If you ever loved me

Let me know

The last words from a black hole

Sincere and angry

Short and sweet

My burden is absolute

Yours ain’t so steep

Let me linger for a moment longer

Your eyes on me

All we have dug

This fall too steep

We cater to a new religion

The lie we seek

Tell yourself all is okay

Yo, yo, yo

Your blonde hair sparkles in the night light

I want to tell you that you’re beautiful

That mole I can’t take off

Yo, yo, yo

I hope you keep writing

That things seem better

That page don’t scare you

Whatever you write down

Wherever the page take you

You have made a space in my mind

I watch your mouth move

Take note to all you say

I want your breath

Your lips they look beautiful today

Is this what butterflies do?

Their swimming round my stomach

Yo, yo, yo

The cold stings my hands deep in pocket

Yo, yo, yo

I’ll keep you in a safe space down deep in my heart

I can’t save face so I keep these feelings deep in the dark

My shell you taught me things others wouldn’t have the patience too

Wherever you go know I would have liked to love you

Now I have to move on

My shell may you know love

Grant me your season

Said, I’ll fall for I’m a heathen

Temperature is rising I could already see my ceiling

Enjoy fantasies

There lies my fallacy to fail to see

Could you open up the feeling?

After I pass

Let love lift me

For heaven I can’t picture

Even when I hold my leica to the sky

It comes all blue

Ask me to tell you about my phantoms

In the dark you see

We anything to be a part of something

Tear out our innards to be recognized

Haunted by your green light

And as your eyes were killed

The pupils saw all

I store hate

Next to my embarrassment

You’re dressed for flair, but god he knows better

We get stuck in an argument over religion

You can’t prove a deity

Ways away from the oasis we seek

As I get lost in my cavern of thought

Ways away from the god that I sought

Falling, falling all by myself

I thought I would learn a thing or two

As I get father and farther from you

Do you understand what you are?

Son of David

Do you understand what you are?

To the maximum

Do you run from your every scar?

Pushed apart by a world so often wrong

Have my back at odds with reason

Chase your world away to raise such heathens

Face it how will we get even

They won’t like me in with these feelings

Where do i take this pain and plant it?

You’re world how much of it is misunderstood?

Adam and Ever walking through ruins left over

For eve tried hard to love me

I never knew what she meant

I tried to know her

But to the well I go to cry

In reflection

David and I

He tried to touch me

But Nevermind

It’s the world that has grown out of touch

My feelings and I

Have grown out of touch

I no longer know what I want

I don’t know

I wanted to be there for you, but I can hardly think

I wanted your love, but to you all I am is a harmless beast

My heart shackled to my flattened feet

I’ll never see past what my iris seeks

Need your guidance within this blinding gleam

With out your weight, my love I’ll sink

At the brink of life

If I go any farther I might just die

I need you to help me breathe

When I speak to you I can hear my soul start to screech

Never again will I let my heart skip that beat

My mouth make that plea

My soul pay the fee

This is a lover’s world

I understand that this world is just not for me

I lay my head afraid I won’t wake from sleep

To bed with my dreams my melancholic reprieve

Without an automatic release

It took me my whole life to find what I need

Little droplets I made me bleed

Sat there admiring my mind’s disease

My scarlet denial know that I have to leave

If I further desires I may have to bury you deep

Forget about your existence and what you’ve done to me

I’ll leave you behind

My heinous desires

My want of your warmth whether by love or by fire

I swam this far just to admire

I’ll leave you behind

My vicious desires

My want of your warmth whether by love or by fire

lets take turns at your libido

with a handful of ego

will you swim?

i thought we had a vision of our evil

seething makes it simple

lately should we ask

to take turns at your libido?

with a handful of vile

will you sink?

i thought we had a vision of the simple

all i ask life is for allegiance

born where all diminished

i can’t help you if i don’t finish

in your libido

honey there is more to life

i don’t know what it is, but you’ll never find it in the pipe

You’ll freeze over your will to speak

Your speech sober but there is doubt in your drink

You’ll be fodder for the hungry beasts

We’ll teach your toddlers about your somber peak

una buena muera es la que quiero

dejo mi alma y dinero

dejo mi alas y religion

espero que me quieran

acabo sin puesto

llego al nada para nadar sin cuerpo

hoy tengo nubes sobre mis ojos

hoy me siento mal al sufrir sin sueños

pero solo dame una buena muerta

viejo y fragile con mis ojos enteros

con mis pies doblados y mi alma cariñosa

calidad de vida que un milagro solo logra

lo mas difícil es ponerme a ver los anos llegar

cada uno sin sinceridad

ya sabe el humano que es lo que quiere

y yo solo quiero una buena muerte

without everything i have ever learned

i’m not the man i want to be

i don’t think I will ever be

precious god won’t you speak for me

away from all your days

they won’t grant us that sweet surrender

nah not in this life

burned at your cross

i can’t levitate higher

not for you or anyone else

excuse me for the devil, he had gold

i was promised nowhere near what i could handle

hell and pain before anything else

without a place to stay in

without a lack of insurance

i fell on my face

that cross stern it scarred at my face

i staged all my worry

hurried toward nowhere to blossom

pop watches over all our days

pop goes over everything that we have learned

burned at your cross

a martyr to your religion

scarred, scorned, scared and torn

from the top all the way to the bottom

it seems i am nothing without you

You Ease Life

Life spits and you feel light

Getting light with real wonder and ill life

There is black places with soft souls

And white places with black holes

Your entries their uneven

They’ve seem to have stopped

I might seize the moment to fill that loss

You come out here

Just to light up

Your words they echo in your chamber

The blur has never done my soul much danger

I’ve been away from the safety of a savior

Let love know that we’ll touch paper

What can I make of your slow release

Rolling doobies and smoking trees

Stunning beauty without a leash

Cunning worlds with your phantom breeze

You’ve breached the soul of another leech

Weed Writer, Smoke some more for me

Take us away let the heat hold you

If you know about them days

Them days the heat all the same

Do you wonder what you can do with all those hours?

Before the destruction

Before you ever encountered a flower

All them hours they’ve broken now

That sane yellow where do you carry us?

Day after day

Day after day

I bet you’re still the same

I’m too full to do that anymore

I’m too full to run away from that

I’m too full not to shine!

But them shoes I won’t

Won’t do with that shoeshine

I’m still too full to make sense of it all

I’'m too full at the moment just do what I do with it

I’m too full to wonder at the moment

I’m too full of images

I’m too full

Whatever happens I guess

Whatever happens I guess

Whatever happens I guess

The world…

If I could touch you would you let me?

Like you’ve touched me

Every word so rotten

Could you help me find reason?

These days I can’t begin to find treason

From our eyes what are we seeing?

If it’s not angels, is it demons?

I think the salt gives me season

I thank the sugar for all my reasons

What can begin to find me

I think I’ll be fine with all the pain beside me

What are these days but practice

Hope to amount to more than action

When I find you

Will you tell me about all I’ve lost?

One day all will be good, but nun today

Like a Moon landing

Right here, Right where ache landed

Little dots of allegiance

What I sought? Just obedience

This is the face of defeated

With this pain I get even

Even if it often hurt a man like me

The rage keeps me seething

Try to paint a man like me

Don’t think you’ll reach

Don’t think you’ll realize

Of all the days that worry me

All them days my treasure

Will it be better?

Will it be better?

No one would see me coming

They would have no idea

They would have no idea

Easily forgotten

Things would be much easier

That world I can manage

Center of the crowd without panic

Live my life however I have it

Just the way I came in

Just the way I’ll go out

No care from anyone’s mouth

No one would look for me

It would be much easier to hide

Alone like I already am

Find your purpose

Or the wind will find it for you

Around the time that I said, NO!

I meant it at the time

It always felt so right

Around the time nothing made sense

At that time it all felt fine

What do I tell you?

When you came to search for me

I said, no

How do I speak to you now?

What do I say to you?

Around the time you tried to save me

You looked me in the eyes

Tears falling down your face

I said, NO!

If I could store it all away

with lock and chain

If I could put my world away

Everything around me make it disappear

Make it all go away

Stored away with all the pain

Stored away from all I know

Lock that I would not have a key to

Everything away nothing new

Everything away

Store it

Hoping for a new way of life

Where am I headed?

I enjoy this

Peaceful, calm, healthy, observant

The walker

The world seems different from here

Which way am I going?

I don’t know

I have no damn idea

I hope it’s not Xenophobia

It might just be what I like to romanticize

It is easier that way

It might be because of the film

Yeah it’s the film that brought me here

To this feeling of chinatown

Catch myself in myself

Only when I’m in mysterious and dark chinatown

Is that Xenophobia

Is it the movies?

I’m out of whack

I can’t tell the difference

Is this the movies?

Conversation was good and you appreciate who I was

Even if our lives on opposite ends

We aren’t different

Where we are headed might not make sense

Eventually Elaine

You made all the sense in the world

When there was none

When I was hoping and searching

Now it might not be a thing

Elaine wherever you are

I hope that everything turned out beautiful

Even if life wasn’t

I still remember my saddest sight

That green light

It made me shudder

That green light

It cast a shadow over the rest of the year

That green light

I still see it in my nightmares

That green light

Has it begun to dim?

Will it ever go away?

For my sake

What would my dad say?

About the green light

About how I have let him down

I deserve it all

All the hate I get

All I have is these words

For green light it might still shine

But I don’t know

For I moved on a long time ago

They always ring twice right?

or they were supposed to

They came and went

Always forgetting to ring more than once

That’s just how the world goes

It just moves along

You have to catch up to it

It will never wait for you

That’s just how it goes

It all goes on without you

Whether you like it or not

What is it that you think you could do about it?

But follow after a nauseous truth

I’ll wait for you

But you never wait for me

And that is all that I ask for

Another bad one fractures

Under it I felt alright

For a world I don’t quite understand

What do I love now?

What can shade me?

When it all gets difficult to understand

Under it I feel alright

Can you hang it up above me?

Will it make sense for me?

Under it I felt right

I don’t know if that’s a feeling I liked

You to protect me

You to hold my hand

Under it I forgot time

Even my shoelaces I failed to tie

Going at it on my own felt different

Being on my own took time

Placed away from all things

You gave me shade for long

Now that your gone

You have taken the canopy with you

Barely in view

Why do you protect?

Man made

Woman made

A human effort

Everything you came with

I failed to understand it

Never meant to see it

Barely in view

So far away

Who holds you?

Are you here for the snow?

How is it?

I’ve never been

I’ve never been in snowfall

Hope one day that’s the case

One day

One day

Mirror, mirror on the wall

you don’t often talk

at least not to me

what is it that you see?

guess it’s not often that pain is released

Mirror, mirror who do you see?

All that was never the burden for me

stood against it all

even after all you show

still I don’t believe me

might wake up from this dream

Mirror, mirror what can you do?

for a man like me

you often linger without a word uttered

you blur it all

so sure of my fall

i see it in my eyes

Mirror, mirror you have been my god

what can I do for you?

You intrigue me

Harlem I know you don’t need me

But I want you

I want to tell a story about you

Everyone should know

Should know what you’ve seen

All you went through

Everything you know

What we were in the dire need of

Also all we were afraid for

Also all we meant left

Mom and the phone her heart dropped

In hysterics she failed to talk

Words expired

Tears perspired

It’s all gone away

Where we go is not often none

My father not around

My brother not around

What could be that’s marked us

My father on the other side

I can hear him crying through the phone

Worst case scenario my brother is dying

My mother won’t tell me

My mother can’t speak

That was the last time a phone call lasted an eternity

Peculiar man

What have you done with your life

Straw hat man

What have you come to?

What matters to you?

Man of the hour

Man on a mission

Not so much a peculiar man

At least not like I am

Can you reason with me?

Never do I mean to

Shit just happens for me

Straw hat man

Are you going to ride away?

What world are you going to?

Straw hat man

Life and bliss may they find you

please peculiar man

If your heart hurts know it’s for a reason

If on any evening you leave scorned

If for any moment you feel fury

You’ll feel god

These days they will starve you

If your heart understands where it was going

If this journey got better not worse

I can show you where I am taking you

I can let you pick the destination

But I don’t want to hurry you

I don’t want you to hurry

Not today

If your heart aches new

It’s for a reason

Whatever that reason is

If your heart is torn up

If your heart is torn from your chest

If you no longer understand

Where is that we are going?

Don’t walk away

Don’t walk away from your talent

Don’t walk away from what loves you

Don’t walk away from what you feel

Don’t walk away from long days

Don’t walk away from born pain

Don’t walk away from your rage

Don’t walk away from your ways

Don’t walk away from your home

Don’t walk away from all you know

Don’t walk away from what you’ve built

Don’t walk away from religion

Don’t walk away from your reason

Don’t walk away from all you know

Don’t walk away

Don’t walk

Don’t!

The path is long and winding

It’s late at night

It’s a foggy drive

And I don’t see that well in darkness

I can’t sleep that well when frightened

What have I done

This drive maybe too long

Much longer then I was told

Does this road go on forever

The path is jagged and sliding

It’s early in the morning

All my love beside me

Dreams and motivations in the backseat

Where am I taking us?

It’s a foggy drive

With no soul in sight

All alone on this drive.

(I can not read my writing)

I see it, it stares on back

What does it see

Should I care?

I don’t want to

I have yet to realize that

That I have issues that keep me

Things that plague me

Rot me to ruins

I see it, it looks away

Away from all I’ve searched for

I don’t think it waits

Why do I surge forward?

I’m going toward nothing

I see it, but I don’t like it

Not even sure I know what I want

If I did nothing, but a tumbling man

All my days I fail to understand

That there is no exit for a man like me

Nothing, but nothing down here

PIZZA

PIZZA

I don’t think I can do a poem about Pizza justice

I mean it seems that’s just what it expects

I think about all the world and what comes next…Pizza

How we are devastated and so often seem like were coming from nothing, but rotten dreams

Think I might fumble it and all I desire

Please don’t punish me for my pizza dreams

Of having it all. All the time

From the world that you showed me

I knew we’d understand

From the place that you led me

All our world destroyed

Could you stomach the destruction

All that chaos

I don’t think you can control it

With what’s ahead can you see clear

Hope one day you’ll care to

See past all that’s in front of you

The streets they wind

They days they float

Can we make what’s of us

Acceptable from our point of view

Will we ever relate for a moment longer

Cast a shadow over your rotten apostle

Make for a silence

The dread I find myself in

Everyday more of the same

Street scene has never been what I meant to find

I don’t like what I see

Out here

Locking in the world

Seems different

I’m excited for the colors you brought

To the table to my life

Each one so vibrant

I can’t look behind

It never does it for me

From window to window

The search for something new

Reflected like piranhas

Inside you all seems so haunted

I don’t won’t a world I fail to comprehend

Through the window

Maybe I end up the same way

What do you know about searching

Your every attempt shattered

Much easier to face the other way

Close your eyes and not see anything

In every crevice

Moving around hoping sense is around the corner

From here you don’t see much

Even when we care to

I don’t think we care enough

Much easier to keep your worth shot

The world doesn’t feel sorry

Things aren’t so loud

Shadows don’t go so deep

Everything to be seen

Everything to be found

I think I like life this way

From my fortress of solitude

What was the world you trapped

These days left us so much ache

What can you hope for?

Days when your able to walk outside

You might forget it all

By the time you wake up

It might all be different

Far from our truth

The dreams we give to one another

The nightmare we share

I have never seen anything like it

Everything falling apart

Just another dream of ours

You lie afraid everything i’ve done

I do get afraid I won’t be here with the sun

Hoping there is more love to come

My way our way

As you sleep

May you love me one last time

(I can not read what I wrote)

What you did to me

Since the first time I saw you

You left me with want to relate to

These nightmares

Long nights

I fail to sleep and Man when I do

When I do

A dread I don’t understand

On these nights all pain come true

I ran from all things

Hope I feel fire

This comes to a soft hatred

All gone and days left behind

Will a religion be found

It was pain that brought us here

It was a broken heart that let you in

Now there is nothing I can do about the scars

I’ll get whatever I like

It hurts everytime

Stay away from the bustle of my keys

I’m only here for what I want

My agenda it all changed

Life came and went that way

Been parts we don’t see clearly

Broken art

Shopping for all the stars

We hope their here once and for all

It was premature to grow angry

It was insane to be strung out

I was hoping for a soft place

It grew too loud

We’ve endangered every nerve

We came for god did we

Finally lose him?

Nowhere to run I feel so useless

Dang I can’t ever go shopping

(I can not understand my writing)

What can an image say?

That hasn’t been said before

Did you figure the pain as moments?

That days you left all just phantoms

Wait the way you set your hands up to your face

Wait I have failed to see a ghost so gray

Wait I left life that day

Wait

Wait

For your eyes to see this side of paradise

What we’ve discussed and paralyzed

So eternal as our pair of lies

We are parallel in our lives

Today is the day we won’t often die

You heard of love? I heard of time

Time to go

( I can not READ THIS!)

( I can not READ THIS!)

With every moment you live

You ask about religion

You pry for a better day

Will it make sense with your rage

I never thought us

Like denim

Pressed toward a vision we understand

We were looking for a chance

Yeah, we never got it

Everyday this pain it cost us

I don’t have a plan

I don’t have a reason for one

Do you run toward it

You hope for a life

You know what it’s like to breathe

I’ll smear my every vision

I’ll duck your every wish

I heard about your love

I hoped it would often miss

Don’t want reason to reach me

I’ll be okay this way

Keep my soul right

Take it away from me

I don’t want it anymore

This place ain’t ever felt like me

Like I do

If you make your world just right

Just right for the lore you give

Saw my lies together

Does your world make sense?

Sometimes we sow our lives together

Does destruction burn you up?

It burns me down to my love

Seamstress sow me up

We stress about the love we chase

Does your imagination grow?

We search for a better life

Against the growing hurt

Why are you here for us?

Ma, if it kills you…

Ma, why don’t you stop?

Why don’t you listen?

Why don’t you listen?

Ma, it’s inside you…

Ma, does it burn?

Ma, why do you do it?

You were never sure about it

Ma, the scars they show

Ma, please do it for yourself

Ma, it would be for the best

(I can not read this!)

Will it burn for me?

Like rage and all else unseen

What you love for me?

Like pain and all else unseen

Will it shine for me?

This insignia and bottom out on all my dreams

If I’m haunted

I think on thins I don’t quite believe

Can you be more for me?

Along with all my dreams

Can you push on forward?

Through everything unseen

Will you burn up for me?

Swim past every dream

Can you do that for me?

Can you burn for eternity?

I CAN NOT! CAN NOT READ ME!

As I sit down to jot down my life and all the special people

I think of you

In the liner you left notes of promise

And all the ones I made and I’ve broken

You asked me only once

I dreamt of leaping harder

Hope it does just that

I lost you like I lost my father and no one will give me that

I won’t promise I’ll go farther

But I’ll never falter while I can

You trusted I had potential

All of that

I hope I get you back

I hope I do just that

We’ve been stressing

Just the coal in on the lungs

It’s a blessing

and a curse

and a curse

We’ve been stressing

They burn us all on back

We’ve been hoping

Can we pray we get it back

What they give us, but the pennies and some scraps

We’ve been stressing

Just for the clothes on our back

Rot alliance it did just that

We were hoping to get it back

They always remind me of the things I don’t understand

Wish I could wash them off

Break them away

Wish I could bleach them all off

They always remind me of love

Love may be done the right way

Will you clean it off?

Will you break my soul off of me?

They always remind me of the things I don’t comprehend

Will you love the distance?

In regards to the truth that helps me

Again can I clean it off

Again can I make my life better?

Wish I could tune them out

Wish I could clean them out

It’s ridiculous I don’t feel like wasting my time typing it out. Straight up!

I do not understand it!

Will you ever notice

All the ache and pain

All the gold and silver

All the curves and snares

All the twisting you know?

Will they matter when they come for you?

Hope is just the pattern

You never had a say about your phantoms

You never had a channel

You were done when they adorned you

Them days have past

They got old and grey

I have hope for you, but it’s not the same

And it never will be

No se what I am saying.

Beside me you’d be perfect

I’ll lead with the lie

I can produce love all for you

An alliance with what you seek

I can be beside you

At your feet

Step by step beneath you

The comfort that you seek

I could be what you want and I can be what you need

I hope the shoe fits

At any moments notice

Go away for dreams

I don’t think you understand

What you could be beside me

Left, Right, Left Right we step above it all

How fitting to end on this note

Fitting the path right where it belongs

To your tomb I sing my every song

Poetic and right

Where am I headed it hopes to feel so right

No blemish due to the soul inside me

How fitting that you decided my life for me

What do I chose for myself?

Wrap my world up in hell

For Henry everything that I do

That’s my rebuttal and truth

For Henry, For you I do what I do

this is my long fall to the bottom

grabbing onto water

this is my long drop with no bottom

grabbing for a harness

sink or swim dedication

in the mist of this infiltration

i have lost it all

sink or swim there is hope!

not for the bottom

not for the bottom

(01-27-22)

“why are you lonely?”

bcuz it’s an easy feelin’

“every time I see you, you are with someone”

I mean it’s the feeling inside

“Like?”

Like, something rotten

rotting…

“what about your friends?”

I mean I luv them, but they don’t know

“what don’t your friends know?”

They don’t know how I feel

How empty

How lonely

How sad it is inside.

(01-27-22)

I been searching for the words

for years now

took this photograph back in 2019

I been searching for the meaning

faulty walls

you are gone

I left you a voice recording

about how I been

I been shit without i

I have been nothing

smithereens

this shit fucking hurts yo

I am dying again

I had a dream you got in a car accident

I pulled you out of the wreck

As I picked you up into my arms, you transformed into a child

Then you jumped out of my arms and ran away

it was a grainy day

overcast just how it would appear on film

a shared one that i shot just for you

about the night you came to visit me

i should have held on longer

the bony threads coming to meet me

i can’t move, but i want to see your face

spectre like

you don’t scare me i know who you are

you don’t haunt me i know why you are

coming for me and you are right for it

i want to go

i want to hold onto you forever

you leave

i feel depleted

when will you be back for me?

i miss your embrace

that cold lace and hollow face

i only think of you on grainy days

when i go to die

as memories fold and fold and fold

i start to forget the stories told and told and…

when i go to die

i want to be buried at montjuic

far from anyone that knew me

when i go to die

i will send letters to the worlds that i leave behind

there is still a lot i have to let die

when i go to die

i want to be starved to write

surrounded by nothing but notebooks

when i go to die

i want to wither carefully

peel me open like a flower that never came to bloom

i think he knew me from the start

BC, before i learned to hate myself

i think he saw it

i know he saw it

something different

an early me

i know i scared him

i know i scared him

he died afraid of what i was

if i can get consistent with god

i can stay consistent my with everything else

there is a sense of duty in doing what makes sense to self

so i can stay aight

so i can fly as well

what’s societies doing?

if everything that’s ruined me is my doing

stay groovy while supplies last

at the end no haven for being bad

to tell you the truth no haven for being good

this beautiful place don’t last forever

i lost and i felt ill

sick to my stomach

i wanted to call her out

disrespectful

she made my blood boil

yet i thought about fucking her

eating her out on that couch

after the complement

it felt sure

us 2 alone in your house

but you made my blood boil

you made my head screech

you made the homie mad and the homie is part of me

i lost a friend i felt ill

i should have fucked you

risky business

i had prepared for it

night and day

some days, day for night

preparing

over and over and over

risky business

going in without a care for consequence

delusional boy

where you are going they smash you

break you

tear at you

until you grow rabid

pieces, rot, a massacre

where you are going no helmet is needed

it would do you no good

it was wet i remember

the floor tastes bad

it was funny though

in a hurry

“al trabajo”

we were late 2 school

right by the castle

3rd and Loma we fell there

laughing on the floor hand in hand

mom lie here with me

rain patters around us

smiles wide

i have never enjoyed a wet floor like i did on that morning

lets go back

hand in hand

we can take a spill down memory lane

nowadays it is hard to waste time